Ethel is Enceinte
by katie.gro18
Summary: This is my first fanfic Ethel is Enceinte, a must read for fans of I Love Lucy. Ethel has a baby. Rated T for sexual references. Written by an I'LL fan :3
1. Ethel Feels Lousy

(This is my first fanfiction, so bear with me. Please leave comments.)

Chapter 1: Ethel woke up at 9:23 AM on Saturday morning with a stomach ache. She felt lethargic. However, she got dressed and told herself, "You'll be alright once you get moving." She made Fred some eggs with bacon, then made some for herself. Then, she started cleaning the house. She still wasn't feeling optimal. Lucy came down.

"Hey, girl."

"Hi, Lucy," Ethel moaned.

"What's the matter?" Lucy asked.

"Nothing, it's just that I am really tired and my stomach hurts."

"Oh, I felt like that when I was expecting Little Ricky."

"Oh, Lucy, you're not saying I'm..."

"You could be. Remember when..."

"Yep, yep, I remember. But why would I want to make love to fat old Freddy Mertz?"

"I don't know. You probably were and just don't remember it, you know?"

"Oh yeah, I think a couple weeks ago we did... it."

"Yeah! Want me to call your doctor?"

"Lucy?"

"Yeah, Ethel?"

"I don't have a, um... lady doctor..."

"Oh, no problem. You can use mine. It will be my treat."

"Oh, Lucy, thanks a million! Don't tell a single soul, now."

"Promise."


	2. The Doctor Visit

Lucy and Ethel walked into Dr. Harris's waiting room.

"Oh, boy, Lucy, I'm scared."

"Aw, come now. Almost every woman experiences this in their life."

"Trust me, I'd rather be on the rag constantly for the rest of my life. If only Fred hadn't decided to bury his bone in my tulip bed."

"Well! You don't know if you're expecting yet, for goodness sake."

"True." An expression of relief came over Ethel's face. She picked up a copy of Look Magazine and leafed through it.

"Mrs. Mertz?" a nurse called. "Dr. Harris is ready to see you."

"Lucy," Ethel whispered, tugging on Lucy's arm. "Come with me."

"Oh, okay." The ladies walked into Dr. Harris's office.

"Hello, Ms. McGillicuddy!" Dr. Harris said loudly. "What brings you here today?"

Lucy chuckled. "Oh, no, no, Dr. Harris, I came here for my friend, Mrs. Ethel Mertz."

"How do you do."

"How do you do."

"Oh! I see. Well, usually, we don't allow others in the room, but I suppose we can make an exception."

"Oh, yes, thank you, Doctor. You see, this is Ethel first visit to a lady doctor."

"Oh ho ho!"

"Lucy!" Ethel whispered, elbowing her. "What did you have to go and say a thing like that for?"

"Sorry," Lucy mumbled.

"I see. Mrs. Mertz, why don't you remove your clothing for me and lay down on the examining table? Because you are a new patient, I need to get a good idea of you."

"Um, excuse us for a second." Ethel dragged Lucy to the corner of the room.

"Oh, Lucy, this is horrible," Ethel whispered.

"What?"

"You know," Ethel said, gesturing to her body. "In front of a MAN?"

"Oh, come now, Ethel. You did it for Fred. I've done it several times."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Will you do it if I do it?"

"Oh... ok. You go first. I'll watch." Ethel didn't mind seeing Lucy in the nude, they were both women.

Lucy pulled the doctor aside and explained the plan. He loved the idea.

So, Lucy took off her shoes, dress, underwear, and bra. "Hold this and watch," she told Ethel, giving her the pile of clothes. Lucy walked over to the examining table and put her feet in the stirrups. She let the doctor poke around inside of her a little bit, just to show Ethel that there was nothing to it. "See, Ethel? Nothing to it." Lucy said confidently from the examining table. Lucy hopped down, and Ethel handed her her clothes. "Your turn."

Ethel apprehensively took off her dress. "Is this good enough?"

"Oh, come now, Ethel." Ethel removed all her clothes and nervously walked over to the examining table. Dr. Harris felt her breasts, listened to her heart, and looked into her womanly entrance.

"Looks healthy to me. So, Mrs. Mertz, what brings you here today."

"I wanted to take a, um... test to see if I am expecting."

"Oh. Very good. Now, I shall give you the test." As the needle went into Ethel, she felt a flash of pain. "You may put your clothes back on, Mrs. Mertz. I will be back with your results." Mrs. Mertz hurried back over to Lucy.

"That was so embarrassing."

"I know. Put your clothes on." Five minutes later, Dr. Harris came back into the room.

"Mrs. Mertz, you are infanticipating! Congratulations!" They shook hands. "That is the end of your visit today. You may visit the secretary to make your next appointment."

"I'm going to be a mother!" Ethel exclaimed. "You were right all along." Lucy smiled.


	3. Talking it Over

After booking an appointment with the secretary, Ethel wanted to talk with Lucy in private, someplace where the boys could not overhear. So, they decided to go window shopping. "Oh, Ethel," Lucy sighed. "You're going to be a mother."

"Yeah, how about that, Lucy! You and Ricky can be the godparents."

"Aww, you're such a nice friend! I can't wait to see what Fred thinks. How are you going to tell him?"

"Oh, Lucy, I need to tell you something very important."

"What?"

"Everything that just happened is TOP SECRET!"

"Okay. But how are you going to break the news, and when?"

"Tomorrow I'll tell Fred and Ricky after we play bridge. I don't know how."

"How about I bake a cake? Maybe Mrs. Trumbull can come too. I'll bake another cake for the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League!"

"Oh, boy, Lucy! What will the cake say?"

"I don't know, maybe something like 'A Baby is Coming.'"

"That is wonderful! We can make the announcement after bridge."


	4. Breaking the News

The next night, as the bridge game was wrapping up, Lucy and Ethel looked at each other and grinned. Ethel rubbed her nose, the signal for Lucy to get the cake. For once, the cake was baked to perfection. Ethel phoned Mrs. Trumbull and asked her to come up, then ran into the kitchen to help Lucy bring it out.

"What's going on?" Ricky asked Fred.

"I don't know."

The doorbell rang. Ricky answered it.

"Oh, hello, Mrs. Trumbull."

"Hello, Mr. Ricardo. Mrs. Mertz asked me up here. Do you know why?"

"Oh, no. Must be something special."

Just then, Lucy and Ethel came out. "We have an important announcement, but you all have to keep it a secret," Lucy started.

"Yes. We wanted to tell you..." Ethel continued.

"That Ethel is having a baby!" Lucy exclaimed. Everybody burst into applause. Fred did, too.

"I can't believe it, honey bunch," Fred said… then his face froze up. "Who's going to pay for all the hospital bills and clothes and furniture?"

"We will!" the Ricardos said. "We're the godparents, after all."

"You are?" Fred asked.

"Of course! You are our child's godparents, so we are your child's godparents."

"You mean I'm going to be a father?" Fred asked in astonishment. Everybody laughed.

"Why yes, of course, Fred, unless Ethel's been cheating on you."

"Oh, boy! This should be interesting."

"Anyways, let's have some cake!" Everybody grabbed a piece and congratulated the future parents. Just then, Little Ricky walked out of his room to see everybody having cake...

"Whose birthday is it, Mommy?" Everybody laughed.

"Oh, honey, it's nobody's birthday. We are eating cake because your Aunt Ethel has a baby in her belly."

"Oh, boy, Mommy! Can I see the baby?"

"No, sweetie. The baby is in her womb."

"I thought you said it was in her belly!" Lucy and Ricky exchanged nervous glances.

"I sure hope we dun't have to tell him about the boats and the beeswax now." Everybody laughed.

"It's the birds and the bees, honey."

"Mommy, what's the birds and the bees?"

"It's something you learn about when you are an adult. Now, congratulate your Aunt Ethel and Daddy will put you to bed after he finishes his cake."

"OK, Mommy. Congratulations, Aunt Ethel!"

"Thanks, honey."


	5. The Birds, the Bees, and the Fight

After the Mertzes and Mrs. Trumbull had left, Ricky went to go put his son to bed. He didn't want to disappoint his son. He wanted to tell the truth about the boats and the beeswax, or whatever it was that Lucy said. So, when Little Ricky asked for a bedtime story, he told him this: "Now, my boy, I am going to tell you a story, but you have to keep it a secret. I'm going to tell you the birds and the bees. So it begins, cuando un hombre y una mujer se aman mucho, se casan y hacen algo que se llama sex. That, my boy, is when todo el mundo se desnuda y el hombre toca la mujer y pone sus private parts en las private parts de la mujer. A veces, esto resulta en un baby. El baby permanece en el womb de su madre for nine months enteros antes de que llegue a salir, a través de la vagina de la mujer. Also, my son, las mujeres tienen esas cosas llamadas periods, cuando consiguen realmente sad y angry, comer mucho, y bleed. Eso, a mi hijo, es decir los pájaros y las abejas." Little Ricky clapped and turned over on his side to go to sleep.

The next day, the family woke up for a pancake breakfast cooked by Lucy. However, Lucy cut her finger on the knife while eating her pancakes. Her finger began to bleed, and it was so painful that she cried a little bit as she put a piece of pancake in her mouth. Curious and wanting to make sure his mother was OK, Little Ricky asked,

"Do you have your period, Mommy?"

Ricky muttered, "Mira todas estas cosas que me dicen poco Ricky. Le pido que mantenerlo en secreto, porque no guarda en secreto! Ese muchacho maldito poco. Lucy va a ser tan loco."

Lucy looked as if she was about to explode. However, she decided to keep it in. She sent Little Ricky to go play with his toys, then she could talk to her husband in private.

"Enrique Alberto Ricardo y Acha III!" she exclaimed. "Did you talk to our son about the birds and the bees behind my back?"

"Yes, but it was mostly in Spanish. Sorry. I just wanted to tell him the truth. I told him to keep it a secret, but I don't think he quite understands the idea of a secret yet."

"That's no excuse! You will not tell our son those naughty things! Now he's going to go around... making love to all the girls at preschool!" Lucy said, bursting into tears and running down to Ethel's apartment and locking the door behind her. Ricky soon caught up with her and pounced on the door, screaming her name. By the look on Lucy's face, Ethel knew she needed to have a private, woman-to-woman talk. So, she answered the door and explained that Lucy needed some time alone. He went back upstairs and off to rehearsal.

"What's the matter, Lucy?"

"Ricky told Little Ricky about the birds and the bees behind my back, in Spanish!" Lucy cried. She continued explaining her story to Ethel.

"Oh, Lucy, there's no need to cry. Little Ricky only knows a couple of words in Spanish."

"Then how did he know what a period was?"

"I don't know, Lucy. There's only one thing we can do right now: forgive and forget."

"True."

"Yeah! That's the spirit! What should we do to get your mind off of it? How about we talk about the baby?"

"Sure! So, what are you going to name it?"

"I don't really know, but I was thinking Hobart for a boy and Roberta for a girl."

"That's so cute! Your middle names!"

"I know, right? And we're going to move into Ms. Smith's apartment so she can have a smaller one. She doesn't need the extra space."

"That's awesome! How does Fred feel about it?"

"Believe it or not, he loves the idea.

"Good. You want Little Ricky's old furniture?"

"Lucy, you know I can't take that offer!"

"Oh, come now!"

"Okay. Thank you so much!"

Lucy woke up the next day to flowers and a card from Ricky. Everything was okay!


	6. The Baby Shower

One month later, it was time for the baby shower. The entire Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League was invited! Ethel got many presents. Carolyn Appleby gave her a set of bottles. Grace Munson gave her some toys. Marion Strong gave her onesies. Best of all, Lucy gave her all of Little Ricky's baby furniture. Ethel felt so happy!

"Congratulations, Ethel!" Marion said.

"Aw, thank you, Marion."

"No problem. What are you going to name it?"

"Either Hobart or Roberta."

"Those are beautiful names!"

"Thank you," Lucy chimed in. "They're actually Fred and Ethel's middle names."

"Oh! That's nice." As everybody was congratulating Ethel and snacking on the nuts and biscuits, there was a knock at the door. Ethel answered it.

"Telegram."

The telegram was from Ethel's family in Albuquerque, wishing her a happy and healthy baby! She passed it around for everyone to read.

"Ooh!"

"You sure do have a nice family."

After the baby shower, Lucy stayed behind to help Ethel clean up.

"Ethel, aren't these nice gifts?"

"Yes, Lucy! I like yours the best."

Lucy smiled.

"So, you're a month and a half in. How does it feel?"

"Oh, wonderful. I can't wait for it to be born."

"Me neither. Hey, if you need maternity clothes, you can have mine. But if I have another baby, you need to give them back to me."

"Sounds like a deal." They shook hands.

"Oh, and you're going to need parenting lessons."

"Oh, okay."

"Yeah. I can give you-"

"PARENTING LESSONS?!"

"Yeah! Don't you need to know how to take care of the baby?"

"Oh."

"I can teach you."

"That would be wonderful!"


	7. Parenting Lessons

Ethel walked through the door of the Ricardos' apartment and sat on the couch.

"Hey,Lucy."

"Hiya, Ethel. Ready for your parenting lessons?"

"Yep. What are you going to teach me?"

"Oh, just how to feed it and bathe it and stuff."

"Okay."

Lucy went into the closet and came back with books, some baby toys, and a realistic baby doll.

"This is your practice dummy," she said, holding up the doll.

"Oh."

"Yeah. First, we're gonna give it a bath. Go in the kitchen and get some water."

"Okay." Ethel took the baby bathtub into the kitchen and came out two minutes later, grunting,

"Ugh, Lucy, who knew water could be so heavy?"

"Whoever invented water should have not made it so heavy. Put it down, and I'll get the thermometer from the kitchen drawer."

"Okay."

Lucy came out with the thermometer.

"Here. Now, according to Dr. Spock, we should make the water nice and warm, about 75 degrees should do the trick." Lucy put the thermometer in, submerging her hand along with it. She pulled it out, yelping, "Oh, Ethel! This water is FREEZING!"

"I'm sorry, Lucy!"

"Go get some warm water this time!"

"Oh, okay..."

"And hurry up!"

"OKAY!"

Ethel came back with the warm water, saying, "Why do I have to do all the work?"

"Well," Lucy replied, "you're its parent, you've gotta take care of it."

"You're the teacher, you've gotta demonstrate things. Besides, I'm gonna get achy more easily than you. I'm pregnant, you know."

"You're the student, you've gotta learn things. Is the water the right temperature."

"Yeah."

"Put the baby in." Ethel put the baby face-down into the water and let go of it. "Oh, ETHEL! Not like THAT!"

"Then how?"

"Face up, so it doesn't swallow water and drown!"

"Oh! Darn it! Why didnt you tell me before?

"Ethel, it's common sense. Every woman knows that." Ethel turned the baby over. "Hold him in the water with your left hand. Here's a washcloth; use your right hand to wipe his body." Ethel wiped gently on his chest.

"Like this, Lucy?"

"Yeah, like that. Good!" Ethel continued, wiping it's face, chest, arms, back, and legs. Once she reached the private part, she paused.

"Um, Lucy?"

"Yes?"

"Do I have to clean its..."

Lucy bossily retorted, imitating Ethel, "Yes, you have to wipe its..."

"Can you do it? I'm scared."

"Oh... okay." Lucy yanked the wash cloth out of Ethel's hands, washed its privates and behind, took the wet washcloth, and rubbed it in Ethel's face. She gasped. She quickly rinsed the baby and said,

"All done, master." She dumped the entire tub on Lucy's head. Lucy gasped.

"WELL!"


	8. Lucy and Ethel Make Up

"Lucy! I'm home!" Ricky said as he burst through the door.

"Oh, Ricky!" Lucy cried. "You're home!"

"Yes, I am. Fred tol' me you got into a fight with Ethel?"

"Oh, blabbermouth Fred. When did he tol' you?"

"Oh, as I was walkin' up the steps. He said you took a washcloth from her and threw it in her face?"

"I think I heard Little Ricky fall and bump his head!" Lucy ran away toward the bedroom, but Ricky grabbed the string of her apron."

"Now, Lucy, is it true?"

"Yes."

"Now let me ask you something. "

"Ok."

"WHAT DID YOU DO A THING LIKE THAT FOR?"

Lucy replied, "Eww."

"Well?"

"Ethel was a coward and refused to wash the doll's private part."

"And is it true that Ethel dumped water on your head?"

"Umm, yes..." Much to Lucy's surprise, Ricky burst out laughing. "Enrique Ricardo! What are YOU laughing about?"

"It's just so funny! Hey, bring the doll here, will ya?" Lucy brought the doll over.

"I know why Ethel refused to wash it. Esta mujer compra la muñeca que es not circumcised."

"You're not circumcised, too, you know. And I still love you."

"Maybe that's why Ethel married Fred. You know what?"

"What?"

"I think you should go down to Ethel's and apologize."

"I think you're right, honey. Will you come with me?"

"Sure." Just as Lucy opened the door, Fred and Ethel were walking over!"

"Oh, hi, Ethel!" Lucy said. "We were just coming down to your apartment."

"Whaddaya want?"

"Nothing, Ethel, calm down. I wanted to apologize for being so rude earlier."

"I was just coming up to, um..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Friends?"

"Friends."

"How's your pregnancy going?" Ricky asked.

"Just lovely. Plenty of morning sickness."

"How you handlin' all of it, Fred?"

"I stay out of the bathroom as much as possible." They all laughed.


	9. The Baby is Born

Lucy was dusting the apartment when the phone rang. Ricky had off of work. He picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hiya, Rick."

"Hi, Fred. What's up?"

"Ethel is not feeling very well and is refusing to let me into the bedroom. She wants you and Lucy to come over right away."

"Oh, thanks, Fred, we'll be over as soon as we can. Bye."

"Lucy, honey! Can you cone here, please?"

"Sure!" Lucy walked into the living room to see Ricky. "What's the matter?"

"Ethel's not feeling well. She might be having her baby very soon."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Well, she locked herself in the bedroom and doesn't want anybody to come in except for the two of us. I figured Fred could watch Lititle Ricky."

"Okay," Lucy said. "Little Ricky, darling, come here, sweetie! Quickly!"

"What is it, Mommy?"

"Aunt Ethel might be having her baby soon. You are going to hang out with Uncle Fred while we help her."

"Okay, Mommy."

The Ricardos walked into the Mertzes' apartment.

"Hi, Fred. Wanna watch Little Ricky?" Ricky asked.

"Sure! Ethel's in the bedroom."

"Okay."

Lucy and Ricky walked to the bedroom and knocked on the door.

"Ethel!" Lucy shouted. "It's us! Me and Ricky! You wanna open the door?"

"Sure, as soon as I can figure out how to get out of bed." Ethel opened the door to let Lucy and Ricky in. She had tears running down her face. She sat on the bed with one hand over her stomach. Lucy and Ricky sat on either side of her.

"What's the matter, Ethel?" Lucy asked.

"The baby is going to come any minute."

"Ethel, she doesn't know..." Ricky asked.

"Why don't you tell her, Ricky?"

"Tell me what?" Lucy asked eagerly.

"Well," Ricky explained, "Ethel's going to have the baby here. I've been taking childbirth lessons, and I am delivering the baby."

"What do I do?"

"You can be my assistant. You're going to get anything Ethel and I need."

"Fair enough." All of a sudden, Ethel flopped back onto the bed. "ETHEL!" Lucy exclaimed. "Is it time?"

"Yep, it's time," Ethel said, breathing heavily between words. "I felt my water break." A huge wet spot was on the bed.

"LUCY! Don't just stand there, do something! Get us some towels!" Lucy ran into the linen closet while Ricky helped Ethel up to undress her. Lucy came back with the towels and proceeded to lay them out on the bed. Once Ethel was completely naked, Ricky picked her up and laid her on the bed. He bent her knees and spread her legs apart. "Go tell Fred and Little Ricky that Ethel is having her baby and that I am delivering it!" Ricky said to Lucy. She went out to tell them the news, which they were happy about.

Five hours later, Roberta Lucille Mertz was brought into the 's naked body was covered with a blanket, and Fred and Little Ricky came in to look and congratulate Ethel as well as Ricky and Lucy on how well they did delivering the baby. It was a happy occasion for all.

THE END! Please give constructive criticism and comments :3 thanks


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